If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up, put it down.
Birthdays, Valentines and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again.
Sometimes we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
If you think you’re fat, you may be. Don’t ask us. (besides, we’re not suicidal enough to answer anything other than “no” anyway)
Sunday Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. It can’t be altered so just let be.
Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, shortstops and carburetors.
Shopping is not a sport
Anything you wear is fine. Really
You have enough clothes
You have too many shoes
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
No, we don’t know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometime.
Most guys own two or three pairs of shoes — what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.
“Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers.
A headache that last for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor.
Your mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.
The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both.
Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, neither do we.
You know, YOU can ask HIM out too… Let’s spread the rejection around a little.
Men are from earth; women are from earth. Deal with it.
Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
We’re not telepathic. We can’t read your mind, so don’t blame us for not knowing something you expected us to know without telling us. Conversely, you aren’t telepathic either, so don’t get mad about what you think we’re thinking, because your guess is probably wrong.